tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post2691977753529864576..comments2023-08-14T16:10:38.074+02:00Comments on Adornments for Dreams: 'I should have kissed you' - RFW Challenge No. 44 for September 7th, 2012Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17926688000745346961noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-60297539979164123502012-09-11T09:36:48.188+02:002012-09-11T09:36:48.188+02:00Oh gosh 'Rent-a-Rabbit' sounds like a good...Oh gosh 'Rent-a-Rabbit' sounds like a good idea, though I worry about those rabbits getting stressed out!<br /><br />Glad you got the shudda kissed you bit in at the end. Sounds like Sally has a rather chaotic life and the awful news about her husband, Tom, is rather a shock in amongst her day to day concerns.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-11484010435918478302012-09-09T23:06:27.245+02:002012-09-09T23:06:27.245+02:00Oh, how sad and heartbreaking! Well done.
KerrinOh, how sad and heartbreaking! Well done.<br />KerrinKerrinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06808737330801680632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-73437729577325336252012-09-09T15:16:48.912+02:002012-09-09T15:16:48.912+02:00I really like your writing...You have come a long ...I really like your writing...You have come a long way from the Saturday Centus, where I used to love your stories. I miss those days...but one can do only so much with their time. <br />Like Jenny can only hope and pray that they come back.<br />As far the tension, it's her pov, wouldn't have the shock value...people tend to go numb initially till the truth sets in and some never give up that stance for a long time...breaking down equals accepting the truth for them.<br />I enjoyed your work, poignant and yet with a hint of impossible hope at the end.<br /> Have a great week ahead.Rek Seshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13484322426994645221noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-88331303284084054842012-09-09T09:46:20.421+02:002012-09-09T09:46:20.421+02:00It took me a moment to remember the story line thu...It took me a moment to remember the story line thus far. I'm so out of things lately . .<br /><br />Interesting take, using the diary entries to build such an ordinary life, then the tragic news at the end. I like the way you used the "I should have kissed you" concept the make the news that much more tragic.<br /><br />Thanks for participating in RFW Anna.<br /><br />......dhole<br /><br />.......dholedolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-941773891415451512012-09-09T09:45:22.344+02:002012-09-09T09:45:22.344+02:00Sad. Such a sorry state of affair. I hope, he gets...Sad. Such a sorry state of affair. I hope, he gets to meet the new baby :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14831956192459960019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-76342239036590728822012-09-09T08:32:22.671+02:002012-09-09T08:32:22.671+02:00Oh this is so heartbreaking! I hope you fit in the...Oh this is so heartbreaking! I hope you fit in the next challenge so you can finish the story with better news about Tom. Well done Anna!<br /><br />Thanks for your kinds words on my post.Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15640511681168230116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-62572252550795779022012-09-09T07:11:31.921+02:002012-09-09T07:11:31.921+02:00OH NO!!!! Another accident... this can't be li...OH NO!!!! Another accident... this can't be like Jenny and Paul! It can't! I want to know everything! I hope Tom's okay! *biting my nails anxiously* C.S.Hhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06931727241982253089noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-61780014570533800032012-09-09T04:24:01.923+02:002012-09-09T04:24:01.923+02:00I'm with Francine,
I really enjoyed the diary...I'm with Francine,<br /><br />I really enjoyed the diary prose. A slow and steady build up to a tragic end. Nicely done.Michael Di Gesuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17047267262428143113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-65332505699508886982012-09-08T21:05:33.375+02:002012-09-08T21:05:33.375+02:00Hi Anna,
The diary effect is perfect even as a st...Hi Anna,<br /><br />The diary effect is perfect even as a stand-alone piece of writing, let alone as part of a greater story. It tells the story, reveals the characters, embodies sadness and then regret. Nicely written. ;)<br /><br />best<br />F Francine Howarthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02326542867876257042noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-36233129270579286292012-09-08T19:13:52.998+02:002012-09-08T19:13:52.998+02:00Wow, Anna. I really enjoyed this story. I think yo...Wow, Anna. I really enjoyed this story. I think you got the balance of the everyday with the dramatic. I don't think you need to expand the last entry. It's a diary entry the day after she receives bad news. She's still in shock and less expressive, perhaps.Kiru Tayehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03285263322486836620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-36091941744721051792012-09-08T16:27:38.497+02:002012-09-08T16:27:38.497+02:00Awww, such a tragic ending. I wish she hears some ...Awww, such a tragic ending. I wish she hears some good news about Tom. Well done Anna.JANUhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06983287092498427967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-36011190506873408662012-09-08T05:17:51.556+02:002012-09-08T05:17:51.556+02:00Poignant story, so heart breaking. I agree that th...Poignant story, so heart breaking. I agree that the last post needs something, but I don’t know how to write it without taking it out of first person. I would find it hard to write anything with such overwhelming sadness…I’m at a loss, unless you wrote it as a love letter to Tom, instead of a diary post, or inside a diary post? <br />I loved the story and where you’re going…I can’t wait to find out.Yolanda Renéehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09085436784133103221noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-26265739102463174022012-09-08T03:28:39.782+02:002012-09-08T03:28:39.782+02:00Anna, as Charmaine says, your writing in English i...Anna, as Charmaine says, your writing in English is coming along in leaps and bounds, as we say. This is written perfectly for the theme - whereas my couple are actually kissing, you have the 'I should have kissed you' in the right place. Imagine being given that news! I'm glad you found another prompt where you could use this story, as there's still so much story to tell.<br /><br />Denise Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-36931667801605879552012-09-08T00:04:55.854+02:002012-09-08T00:04:55.854+02:00I like the mix of the dramatic with the rabbit sto...I like the mix of the dramatic with the rabbit story, Anna. It's a good way to highlight details of the impact of events on the minor characters, while at the same time fleshing out Paul's character, etc.<br /><br />I agree with some of the other commenters about adding more drama to Sally's discovery that the boat went down. Adura Ojohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10787703060107491771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-30110425813614195432012-09-07T23:40:00.567+02:002012-09-07T23:40:00.567+02:00Hi Anna, This is a great reminder not to take time...Hi Anna, This is a great reminder not to take time with loved ones for granted. I think I would've added a bit more drama to your last journal entry. With such shocking news, I would make it more descriptive.<br />The rabbit story was a cute addition :)Heather Murphyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11847855601653718033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-12096671173488998232012-09-07T16:24:10.581+02:002012-09-07T16:24:10.581+02:00Hi Anna
A flash back for those of us who have been...Hi Anna<br />A flash back for those of us who have been following this story. You bring home the regret we would all feel in this circumstance. Your writing is good. It does lack tension, however, I think that is because you're pulling it from the story. Keep writing.<br />NancyN. R. Williamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174506528962095858noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-47333463983450659722012-09-07T08:41:07.664+02:002012-09-07T08:41:07.664+02:00Oh this is sad Anna....I like the way you are gett...Oh this is sad Anna....I like the way you are getting us in touch with everyone who was involved on the outside...and now I wonder what was really happening with Jenny and Paul if he wasn't so involved with the family....can't wait to read the next chapter...maybe sally and jenny will get together...maybe they will find comfort and solace in each other....maybe Sally will blame Jenny...so many possibilities with human emotions involved.<br /><br />Excellent writing again!!Tanya.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08436595615435609755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-79280703441162964992012-09-06T23:46:14.542+02:002012-09-06T23:46:14.542+02:00Oh how sad. Now I want to hear a continuation to f...Oh how sad. Now I want to hear a continuation to find out what happens :)Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12886333496997952719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-28578582318209068412012-09-06T19:14:36.279+02:002012-09-06T19:14:36.279+02:00You brought a lump to my throat, so sad because it...You brought a lump to my throat, so sad because it's the ordinary with the tragic. Great writing. Sallyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14090018804016223955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-20693912385935293762012-09-06T13:50:56.000+02:002012-09-06T13:50:56.000+02:00Anna I love how this is coming along! I really lik...Anna I love how this is coming along! I really like the first person voice here and laughed at the idea of renting rabbits :)<br />I enjoyed hearing the story from a different perspective too, adds a bit of depth.<br />I'm really impressed Anna, I've noticed your writing style is developing more each time you post. Good work.Charmaine Clancyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18059559142070140041noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-14197111893609981702012-09-06T11:32:59.943+02:002012-09-06T11:32:59.943+02:00I hope she gets to kiss him again. Poignant. I hope she gets to kiss him again. Poignant. Nilanjana Bosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08656370320322301943noreply@blogger.com