tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post141136211741180271..comments2023-08-14T16:10:38.074+02:00Comments on Adornments for Dreams: The Perfect 9.5 - Romantic Friday Writers Challenge No. 32Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17926688000745346961noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-11326875077041789802012-02-28T04:46:45.114+01:002012-02-28T04:46:45.114+01:00Hi Anna. You've had some very helpful comments...Hi Anna. You've had some very helpful comments. I came by for another read. A lovely story. D.Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-86675716511362851392012-02-27T21:54:41.196+01:002012-02-27T21:54:41.196+01:00Hello Anna.
Great choice for this week'e theme...Hello Anna.<br />Great choice for this week'e theme. Nice progression. In this style of dancing, timing is everything so yes...you're right...they do have to have a certain type if intimacy.<br /><br />I'm not a fiction writer, so I don't usually struggle with meeting the word limit. I did like the suggested changes though.<br />You still did an awesome job with this one! Keep it up, my dear.<br />Thanks for sharing & for the kind words.<br />(I'm also following you in Linky, hope you'll do the same.)<br /><br /><a href="http://mypoetcharm.blogspot.com/2012/02/true-beauty-comes-from-imperfection.html" rel="nofollow">True Beauty Comes From Imperfection</a>The Poethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00667034322952126127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-24710622229054779092012-02-27T09:42:12.560+01:002012-02-27T09:42:12.560+01:00Aw, thanks Anna :) In all three versions, you kep...Aw, thanks Anna :) In all three versions, you kept the tension and the focus on the "prize". Very nicely done.<br /><br />.......dholedolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-32755441008102849562012-02-27T01:59:29.385+01:002012-02-27T01:59:29.385+01:00I agree with Donna's suggested changes. And, w...I agree with Donna's suggested changes. And, whether or not those words were needed elsewhere, they were superfluous where they were. It reads cleaner this way.<br />Loved the submission, btw. Completely different interpretation of the 9.5 than I had expected. I really enjoyed how she viewed it as a sport, but wondered what it would be like when it was real someday.Erin Kane Spockhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05376851676240606472noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-23751724672415363272012-02-26T19:01:56.395+01:002012-02-26T19:01:56.395+01:00I like you changes and the fact that you can get o...I like you changes and the fact that you can get oriented in the story faster--and if you have a few extra words--well, you never know where they might come in handy when you are limited to 400 words. Overall, I think you strengthened the piece with tiny changes.Scheherazadehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08906467791904395295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-46350983301140000372012-02-26T10:26:02.196+01:002012-02-26T10:26:02.196+01:00I read both versions Anna, and I'm a little re...I read both versions Anna, and I'm a little reticent about over-commenting.<br /><br />My thought is that the original version was enough for me as a reader to capture the essence of the compitition. The fact that the partners are twins - fraternal or identical - is irelevant. I enjoy formal dance myself, and I know that long term partners are kinda like twins; they have routines and signals that are unique to the dance relationship.<br /><br />So my suggestion for changing the first paragraph is for something like this: Ginny and Tommy were good at ballroom dancing. As fraternal twins, they had an advantage over the other ten year old beginners; they shared thoughts and could anticipate each other's movements better than most adult dancers who'd spent years as partners."<br /><br />I'm offering my feedback based on the original because nothing in the relationship of the dancers, or the overall plot has changed in the revision.<br /><br />I like the tension you've built for the competition, and the smooth way you introduced the ages of the competitors, and the level or experience. I like the idea that a brother/sister act at this age is bound to be stronger than the other competitors. But you also showed that some of the couples were quite good, and represented true competition. You also added external tension by having the mother present.<br /><br />I also liked the emphasis that the dance wasn't a romance between two lovers, but their trust and mutual dependence was a love relationship necessary to win the competition.<br /><br />Well done on the overall concept Anna. Dancing of any type, with a partner of any relationship can't help but be intimate. If this segment is a part of a larger WIP, and you are emphasizing emotional tension, then you've hit your scene plot goals.<br /><br />Both versions were excellent reads Anna. An excellent, evacative submission.<br /><br />......dholedolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-77284998459339328402012-02-25T21:28:41.523+01:002012-02-25T21:28:41.523+01:00Love your story about fraternal twins, Anna. It...Love your story about fraternal twins, Anna. It's refreshing to read a story about fraternal twins. People often talk about identical twins and the mind communication thing. Also lovely to see children working together and not bickering. Particularly love the last line - you capture so well the playful spirit of the child in those words. Your story portrays innocence at its most beautiful.Adura Ojohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10787703060107491771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-17982521761877748742012-02-25T21:26:54.642+01:002012-02-25T21:26:54.642+01:00A lovely, innocent story, and a real feeling of wa...A lovely, innocent story, and a real feeling of warmth from your characters. I really enjoyed it - beautifully written<br />Laura xLaurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03604785269958873474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-3350114002108326312012-02-25T18:36:04.674+01:002012-02-25T18:36:04.674+01:00Dear Weissdorn, Denise, Janaki, Tanya, Nancy and L...Dear Weissdorn, Denise, Janaki, Tanya, Nancy and Linda,<br /><br />Thank you for reading and commenting!<br /><br />I've written a new 'P.S.'<br /><br />Best wishes,<br />AnnaAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17926688000745346961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-67897639695777300972012-02-24T21:01:39.528+01:002012-02-24T21:01:39.528+01:00Tightly written and on topic. If you want to edit ...Tightly written and on topic. If you want to edit out a few words to give yourself a little more somewhere else, I would just refer to Ginny and Tommy as fraternal twins and avoid the explanation about identical and being born at the same time. Also, you can pull us into the story a little faster by changing "this" in the first sentence to "dancing." Thanks for sharing.Scheherazadehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08906467791904395295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-77222264197108043632012-02-24T19:26:34.288+01:002012-02-24T19:26:34.288+01:00Hi Anna
My grandmother's name was Anna. Loved ...Hi Anna<br />My grandmother's name was Anna. Loved her so much so I can relate to your comments on your profile.<br /><br />Great job on the theme. I enjoyed reading about your twin characters.<br />NancyN. R. Williamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174506528962095858noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-37789705907773780462012-02-24T08:40:16.548+01:002012-02-24T08:40:16.548+01:00What a lovely story Anna Christina....and such a n...What a lovely story Anna Christina....and such a nice way to out a spin on the 'love' theme.Tanya.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08436595615435609755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-12612545139161035562012-02-24T07:55:37.497+01:002012-02-24T07:55:37.497+01:00Beautiful story..hooked from the beginning.Beautiful story..hooked from the beginning.JANUhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06983287092498427967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-431288242388865132012-02-24T07:09:19.023+01:002012-02-24T07:09:19.023+01:00Hello Anna. I was by before but got thrown off bef...Hello Anna. I was by before but got thrown off before I could comment. <br /><br />Your English just gets better and better. As Weissdorn says, a lovely, innocent story. What fun that we both chose a dancing competition!<br /><br />DeniseDenise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712353207460785993.post-60211173225218460252012-02-23T23:17:49.645+01:002012-02-23T23:17:49.645+01:00I enjoyed this because it was very innocent. It...I enjoyed this because it was very innocent. It's a nice short story reflecting the excitement children have when it comes to competition. Well done.Celeste Neumannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06121686507934885254noreply@blogger.com